Karma takes a number.

I finally realized that Karma does in fact, take a number! Actually in my life it does because death has to come over and kill off a million people and then make me suffer and cry in class. Hooray Karma!

You're special.
And Spastically annoying and I wish you would just die already, seriously just keal over and DIE.

I really want ice cream, and omg blogging? I don't care anymore, I'm just going to write my thoughts and you guys can go on Youtube and view my videos instead! Yay. I actually get into detail and you should be glad I'm bringing a face to the fantastical writer you named Margarita Sunshine.

So about the whole Karma takes a number, it really doesn't it's more like if I keep wishing Karma on other people I'm going to just get more Karma, so if I wish them the best, they'll get Karma. Ha, ha, hahahahahahaha! HAH! No but really I just need to be nice to them and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... blah (blah blah blah!) blah. My OCD is taking over sorry, I appologize in advance.

Which reminds me, the guy that I wanted to feel pain, probably never will, actually he will, he just won't know why until I tell which I'll never do! Muahaha! That's not fair, but it's funny either way.

So I gotta go. You'll be able to see my on the road again post soon!

It Will Probably Happen That Way.

I lied to my mom about this post, I told her it was an email to my friend, but it not and I'll be getting my Karma whlie no one else does. Just once, I would like to witness someone else's Karma, have her pain be public, out there for others to laugh at. Please, just this once, I would like to see someone else get it for a change.

Someone who wronged me severely, someone who deserves it so much that my heart is pacing at my hatred for them. Someone whom I loved once.

Wishing revenge on an old loved one, I sound like a jealous ex.
Except I'm not jealous.
And he's not my ex.
I'm just bitter.
And I want him to feel the same pain I felt.
Badly.

But I guess my Karma will come this way if I wish that upon them, so I suppose I'll leave it at that.

He'll get it eventually.

I Have A Secret

I have a secret, well, it's not a secret it's the question everyone wants to know but can never answer because they are too divulged in this world.

Love. Yes. I have found the definition to love... Not what the dictionary claims it to be, but the true meaning of love and what it is.

Love is feeling secure and unsecure at the same time about someone, feeling as if though you do anything with them or ruin a chance and you're afraid that you'll lose them forever. It's a passion, love is a passion, most definately, I can commend to that.

But the love of something is different, loving someone and falling in love can be easily confused, I've done this before also. But you'll know the difference, trust me on this one.

People say that you deny it, it is true, you deny it because you feel you do not know what love is and yet there are some people who claim to be in love with someone in a very short amount of time.

But love is a Passion, feeling so strongly about someone that you have to have them every moment of the day, and when they get home or when you hear them say your name, it's a new experience repeated all over again. Just as great as the first time they ever said it.

Love is feeling safe and yet scare with someone at the same time. When their not around you're convinced that they are cheating on you or don't love you anymore, it's just as exciting knowing that they only come home to you.

Love, it's complicated yet simple.

I wrote this is School

There's probably a reason I'm writing to you, probably another reason why I have this stupid computer in my lap.

Why I have people complaining about conditions they have to live with.

Life, it's retarded and guarnteed to bite you in the ass at least once. Karma, I've preached this so many times before, it's the part of life that really likes to bite you in the ass when you deserve it the most. People don't realize why bad things happen to them, are they stupid? Did they not remember the poor people they said snide remarks about? Did they not just beat up a pregnant teenager? I mean really, and they complain because they got grounded. If not having enough sense to realize that you did something wrong then Karma will bite you even harder in the ass. And you'll probably end up in Jail.

Because that's what Karma does, be one, big, annoying asshole. Karma is supposed to teach you a lesson in life, it's supposed to make you feel bad. It's not supposed to make you want to kill each other even more because you getting into a car crash is somehow linked to the pregnant teenager in the hospital. Yes, that's definately it. The world just seems to get worse and worse, and I'm kind of happy that stagitory rape was invented, it should teach some people, that they are too young to be dating that person. It's true, yet annoying.

At the same time, your boyfriend cheats on you. Wow that sucks doesn't it? Absolutely and yet you wonder why, you lost your virginity at age 16 not even maybe you're twelve and you wonder why you get pregnant. If people didn't get what they deserve the world would be even worse then it is now!

If you don't like it, live with it because that's life and the fact of it is that Karma doesn't take numbers. Karma doesn't accept notes of appologies, Karma gets you whether you like it or not. So got ahead and suck the poison before Karma bites you in your ass. Right before you grow a sense of humanity, think about what you've done and stop being a complainy, whinny, two-faced bitch, because it's just annoying.

And no one gets rewarded like that.

It's not real.

I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him. It wasn't real, and I knew it, I knew it from the bottom of my heart, it was not real. I still demanded, I still urged, I still thought... that it was going to happen. That the sword in the stone was going to be taken out by someone else.

It wasn't fair, it never was, it always slapped me in the face. It was like the change was taking me away from everything by force, I never accepted things easily, I never accepted life, I never accepted the fact that I was going to die and live forever. I never wanted it to happen, I just ignored it, and until I finally realize that I can't chose my final fate.

All this time, I was waiting for their Karma to hit them, all this time, I was waiting for them to get what they deserve. But it never happened. They always got the guy, the life, and the friends everything I always wanted, but never got. And my only comfort was the fact that Karma was going to happen to them, but it never did. They never got what they deserved. They never once regretted what they did, their tears mourn for the things that aren't even worth crying over.

I was weak, I was fragile, I was broken and no one was to fix me. I couldn't make my own Karma, could I? That would only mean, I would get the backlash and they wouldn't.

Why? Why didn't they get what they knew they deserved, why couldn't they... they just have something terrible happen to them. Why couldn't their Aunt be bi-polar, why couldn't their father kill someone with their car, why couldn't their uncle died leaving his only daughter with his crazed ex-wife, why couldn't they be depressed, why couldn't they feel what I feel, why couldn't they died inside like I did, why couldn't they commit suicide, why couldn't they just DIE, why couldn't their best friend move away, why couldn't their boyfriend use them and then leave them? Why not? Make their friend suffer and FINALLY get their fucking Karma.

Could anyone tell me that? WHY THE FUCK NOT? Is it fate? Does God not think I'm worthy of having peace within me? Why do they think they can get away with anything. They all have their hardships, but could your life change within a spand of three days? No, not that quickly.

It didn't happen to her, it didn't happen to him, it didn't happen to anyone who scorn me and so many others! They didn't get what they deserve! WHY NOT? Was it just because? What could possibly happen next? Huh?! What else does life have to throw at me? What else could you possibly do? Who's next? If one more person dies, I'm gone, living in South Carolina with Dr. Pepper and AbFab.

But no, God doesn't want that, I'm supposed to have a future right? I'm supposed to die soon, right? I'm not supposed to be able to drive, huh!? Right? Am I right? It's supposed to be all over before that, before someone actually loves me and HOLDS me.

But that's too much right? Too much to ask. Too much to ask God, I see how it goes. Everyone else gets what they want, but I, me, myself, does not get anything. The short end of the stick. Eventually everyone finds love, but me? No, I will never be able to fall in love, ever.

And it's all because of Karma.

What I wouldn't call serious.

Uhmm... well I'm supposed to be writing my book report...

hahaha book report, sounds like something I should be doing in fifth grade...

hahaha... fifth grade...

Anyways, I'm using this as a procrasnation thingy.

And now I'm actually gonna go write it, it's about the The Jungle Upton Sinclair apparently wrote it and my friend is reading it too, so it shouldn't be so hard, except for the fact that the book report is due tomorrow...

Hahaha, I'm the Queen of doing things the very last minute.

Okay I relaly gotta go...

April Fools Joke

Please tell me, you've got to be joking, you've got to be kidding me, please tell me this is another one of your April Fools Joke.

It's not, and I'm confident if something happens to one more person close to me, I'm finished, I'm done, I'm leaving this town forever. I can't stand it anymore, I'm due for a good thing, I know I am. This is just another sign that something good is going to happen. Please tell me, is it true? Could it be Cancer?

The C word never hit me as hard as it did now, I asked myself who's next, now I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't ask myself those questions because I think I know who's next. No, I can't say that, it can't be, he can't be doomed.

That's not fair, take me instead, at least he'll have more time to be saved, in my heart I know I'm saved; at least somewhere in there I know that. They need more time, I'm there for a reason and my reason is to help people, my purpose is done so take me instead.

Ah, I don't want to leave some, but if someone gets a chance to live and be saved, I guess that's fair; it needs to be done, Lord please just take me instead.

It's not right, he can't just leave, though I'm not in love with him, someone else is. And that's not fair, I know the feeling, of not knowing whether or not you'll see them tomorrow. Whether or not you'll be planning their funeral tomorrow or speaking to them tomorrow.

Please, just tell me, this is another one of your April Fools Jokes. I can't think of anything more logical then that, the purpose for that is truly unfair, so they know they can spend more time with their family.

Fairness, it is not.

Life, only some can truly live.

Love, no one knows what it is and yet most claim to have it.

Truth, facing it.

Beauty, Oh God, not in their casket.

Death, stop, please, just not now.

Purity, keeping it would have helped.

Goodness, only young, do they die.

Not true, the good can't die young, they deserve to live a long life, to fall inlove.

Please, it has to be another joke, it's gotta be, it HAS to be. I just can't stand this life anymore. It's not fair, everyone around me, dropping like flies. Stop dying, just for one day.

Please, it must be another April Fools Joke.