Mistake

I don't know if this is the correct way of approaching a problem, but I think I made a mistake. This blog was originally made to put myself into it, and now I'm just whining about my problems right? Sometimes I ever doubted that I ever fell in love with sunshine, but I did, I know I did. This utter feeling of pure happiness whenever he got on the computer, our nightly chats that went on for hours, and our love for each other. I knew I liked him because I always get depressed when I think about her, or when he said he loved me like a sister. But why did I let him go, because there was no point, he actually said that too. Why? And then I begin to question if he ever loved me, I was first to say I love you after all. I feel like crying, kind of, not really but it's there. That dreaded feeling that made me feel like he was never going to talk to me again, even though I requested it. Oh goodness, what have I done? That will surely make him go off the deep end! I've killed him, I've killed the love of my life. Wait, aren't I jumping a little ahead of my self? Yes I am, I mean there are people with cancer. My Great Uncle has Lung Cancer, thanks to so much support, and is still living the doctors gave him a year to live and he's lived for two years now! Sadly he is on the breathing machine, but only when he sleeps. And he's getting better! I thank all of those who bought the yogurt, ribbons, t-shirts, and walked in Pennsylvania. Continue on with your support. My eight month old kitten died a few weeks after the Pope John Paul II did. She was very small and had Feline Luciema, knowing that she suffered made me believe that I could have done something different. My family history says that I have a 50% of getting breast cancer and a 75% chance of getting Heart disease and a 50% chance of getting Anemia which can relate to cancer. This kind of made me think, like right now actually, because I don't know how incredibly lucky I am. Why the sudden issue of cancer? Because, someday I think I'm going to get it, if I don't already have it. But you shouldn't wish yourself on those type of things, unless your really desperate. No, don't be suicidial, you'll always have Margarita to talk to. I'll be anyone's friend to who is willing to listen, I've done this before. I've actually preached to someone who was depressed or suicidial and brought them out of that. I guess I really do have a better purpose, helping people, but in what? Should I become a missionary? No, I don't want to be a missionary, I wouldn't like being away from home preaching something I wouldn't want to preach. It's true that I fear forever, or did at least. I kind of still believe that I am, I mean there was no doubt that I believe in God because I was so terrified of Heaven. I know it's ironic or an oxymoron, whatever it was; I am no longer afraid of that living forever stuff. It's mind blowing, forever is forever, ever wonder what it's like to live forever and a day? I want to do that, surpass all the numbers of the world and live forever and a day. In Heaven, will you be naked? I could of wondered that and asked a friend if we'd be all girls or boys. She said we'd look the same, I also told her there was no sex in Heaven. I forgot how she reacted, maybe she said nothing at all. Well I'm getting tired or bored of this really.

Goodnight my faithful listener,
Margarita & Sunshine