Forgotten

Ever feel forgotten? Like no one cared and when you finally confront them about it, they ignore you. It tells you who your real friends are. It also tells you who to trust. I feel betrayed, I mean if I'm not your best friend then just say it. Don't leave me like this, not that you would care. Are you embarrassed of me? Is that it? Because that would also prove eight or more of friendship is fake. Go ahead, be with your friends and then I'm dead the next day maybe you'll rethink telling me in the first place.

I haven't been suicidal in a while, but now I feel as if you cut me now I wouldn't feel a thing. The wanting in my arms right now, my mind saying to cut them, cut them. I won't, I'm too scared, sometimes I wish I have the courage to do so. Other can, why can't I? Soon, soon I will. Maybe not today, but soon, I can feel it. I just need one more thing to push me. I hope that comes soon, I want to leave. Hell isn't worth this, but is Heaven? A perfect world is scary. I wonder if we will still be able to love. Can we laugh in Heaven?

I feel as if someone could stab me and I wouldn't feel the abnormal pain, I would laugh maybe. I know I make fun of those 'emo' people but now I feel closer to them. Perhaps a hypocrite maybe, it doesn't matter now. The love of my life has a girlfriend and forgot to tell me, my 'friends' aren't my friends, my extended family constantly pushes me away. No one would care, it hits you in the face when you realize that you'll always be forgotten. Tonight I wish for strength, the strength to give up my dreams, potential love, and so-called 'friends'. This is my confession, I'll confess to anyone. I'm not looking attention mind you, I'm looking for help. Anyone can help me, I need it.

I need the knife, I need the pain, I want to cry! But my body or mind or something won't let me do it! Why not, why the hell not!? Why won't anyone let me cry, all those people, all of them silently judging me because I'm different. Because I have a personality, do you think you're helping me? You're all bitches and bastards, and you'll always be that way.

You may ask, what's holding you back? Just do it, no, I'm holding myself back, because there's that small hope that someone will pull through. No one is going to pull through this time. I'm alone, secluded from people. I want to be dead, I want to be alone, I wish to die. But you won't let me. You would insult me even when I'm dead. You wouldn't care really, you wouldn't even shed a tear, you would laugh. I've been taken advantage of too many times before, and now I'm sick of it, I know my purpose now. Waste of air, waste of space. I'm done, you win, I'm finally finsihed with you, and with everything else.