Two places at once.

Yeah, so I've been thinking, I'm down right screwed, I can't stop loving him, no matter how hard I try, he's still there and then there's the other one. If I'm in love with one I must be with the other right? I keep denying the fact that I love him and it's just a cruch to fill space, you know? But the more and more I think about, I have trust issues and feel as if though I can trust him, like I can tell all my secrets to him. I've always taught you to follow your heart, and listen to it, like when you're doing something you're not supposed to be doing and you know it's wrong you don't it anymore. I know I sound like a hypocrit right now, what is my heart saying, its as if I already knew who the one was all along, I know I have to tell him eventually because if I didn't it would tear me up inside. And what if I left high school afterwards, would I still think about him? I think I'm going to cry, I love my childhood, and I know I'm not ready to take care of myself but I'm getting there, once I get a job I know I won't spend all of it on something useless, I'll save for gas money or something useful like that.

So, two places at once, I wish I could be in two places at once, but I can't and it's not fair. I want him to know, to know that I love him, it's not as if it'll change his mind, he might even be repulsed by me and laugh in my face. And that's how I know I'm in love with him, because if I just liked him I would be able to move on right? But to me, he's just so perfect, not too annoying, that face can melt me in seconds and yet he won't return my love. Never loose hope, but what happens when that hope dies? I love him so much and he doesn't even know, I mean how twisted is that?

Let it be, fine, okay and when will I know when to not let it be? I have no one, no one to talk to, no one to love, no one wants me, no one even thinks about me. If I told my friend I was going to kill myself, what would happen, nothing, they wouldn't believe me or wouldn't care. That's because I have no friends, they all just use me, okay maybe I'm going over with this after all it's about you, not me. You can make a difference, and I can't because I can't. I can't do it, I can't reach my goals, I can't do anything unless, some one helps me, but no one will but I wanna help you.