So Very Precious

Yeah, so I haven't been on in a few days... well, I just wanna tell you that something happened today which made me want to post. A man got hit by a car by my house, maybe a mile or so away and he died upon impact.

I started thinking, when my father told me, I cried, my dad was there when it happened, though he didn't exactly do it, he was still there. I thought my dad was going to jail because he had this grim look on his face, the police took him in as a witness and stuff like that. And then it wasn't until a few hours after I got the news was when I wondered if the guy had a family, if he had a pet, if he was allergic to cats. I don't know why I suddenly wanted to know all of these completely random things, but it effected me.

I wondered if he had a hamster or if he liked hamsters, I don't know why it was hamsters but still. And I've been depressed all day long because of what happened, and I even distracted myself into doing things like chores, I think I was really productive today. I didn't exactly cry, but I didn't exactly not cry, I still get kind of choked up when I think about it.

I mean, did he have a little girl? Or was he alone, but had a dog which was a poodle or something like that. I wanted and still want to know about this man because he hit me home, right in the heart and it takes a lot for me to suddenly feel bad and cry for someone else I didn't even care about before today. I mean, yesterday, I had no idea any of this was going to happen and then today everything changes, that man never got to work and his hat is still where he died. I guess I know why you have to go through all that crap to get your driver's license because if you didn't then you'd end up killing someone and you have to live with that for the rest of your life.

I mean how horrible would you feel if you killed someone? I mean it seems so blunt, but really how would your family members react to that? And would you even care if you killed someone and when it finally smacked you in the face, would you suddenly just break down? Or would you bottle it up until you were completely alone.

I wanted to post because, I wanted to say and tell you how precious life is, and you shouldn't abuse your rights as a citizen and you shouldn't abuse your rights as a human and you shouldn't do drugs because you'll die because you weren't paying attention.

Do you get it? Just be careful and abuse what was given to you.

Think it Over

The Boy sees her everyday, but never says a word.
She looks at him, but he never seems to show he cares
He wants to know so much about her.
She needs to wake up from her nightmares
He needs to Think it all over
She thinks she needs to let him be

There's not much time.

You all know what happens next
He doesn't know what to do, his life is a mess.
She wants him to say I hate you.
He can't take it anymore, why does he stay?
She's so random, think it over.
He knows she's a beauty controlled by nature.

She doesn't know what he's still here.
He's thinking about her everyday
She's his only hope, but she doesn't know.
Do they really know why they're here?
In this hell of a school

Think it over, Think it over, Think it over
Think it over, Think it over, Think it over

Ready for forever, love?

Do they even care about what they say?
Do they even care about their comments?
Do they even know they care about each other?

She rather have anxiety attacks then not see him.
He rather kill himself then never she her smile.

Is this Love?

Think it over, Think it over, Think it over
Think it over, Think it over, Think it over
Think it over, Think it over, Think it over

This is Divine, this is Beautiful,
Why do his friends not approve of his feelings?
Why can't she understand she will never be with him?
Why can't he understand he will never be with her?

His friends are vicious, more the girls.
She hates them all, think it over.
He tries to tell them there's nothing you can do.
She wants to forget about him, she cares about him alot
He needs to make a move before it's too late.
Because my love you need to see

I'm thinking over the things you said
I'm thinking over the things you said
I'm thinking over the things you said

Leave me to die that's what they say.
Leave me alone
Leave her alone
Leave him alone

You can't stop this now.

Your the only one for me.

Receipt

I, I know I wasn't perfect,
But you let me try, you gave me my life.
You made me who I am, today and forever.
And you, you are my longing day of love.

So on this reciept, I write your memorial.
Until you're gone, I'll never stop hoping.
You raised me, you helped me when
I couldn't fix my pain.
You gave me, my heart and gave me a brain.

Mom, you are the only thing that loved me dear.
And mom, you can't possibly know,
The way I feel about you every single day.
Mom, you were the solider I depended on.
And mom you gave me the strength, I couldn't even find.
Cause mom, you made me alive.

Dearest tears, I couldn't explain,
I don't know why, I didn't feel pain.
Maybe I didn't quite believe you were gone,
Or maybe I just didn't want to long.
I didn't want to leave you,

So on this reciept, I'm writing to you,
My thoughts about your life.
You always caught me when I fell.
You fixed my wounds on my heart.

Mom, you're the only thing I could've possibly held,
And now you're gone, Mom I need you now.
You're the strength I could possibly have,
And you're the only thing, I couldn't have.
You gave me everything I held, so tell me please...
Mom, can you help me?

I couldn't possibly cry on your shoulder.
Because mom tonight, you died.
I saw your body, I saw your very life flash before my eyes.
Because mom, You lead a wonderful life.
And now, you're gone because I didn't try.
But could you please, tell me,

Mom, you always cared.
And mom, you always tried not to cry,
But mom please, I need you.
Mom, could you please do this for me.

Mom, please don't stop loving me.

Kind of not really...

Okay so I decided to observe someone, or a few people all at the same time rather then in seperate weeks, I decided it would be interesting to observe them and then post what their behavior was/is/will be on this. So yes, blogging did win out of writing an Essay which is due... tomorrow or thrusday? Somewhere around there, but whatever, if I was really concentrated into it I could write it like this...

HAH, I'm sooo doing that. Sorry bloggers, I guess the Essay did win and considering another one is due a week later from tomorrow I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get much blogging in besides: 'Does anyone know the difference between diffusion and osmosis?' Eh... really if you know the difference, please don't e-mail me that crap, because I seriously wouldn't even have time to answer it anyways... sorry... well not sorry actually I don't care!

And that's why you love me because on here, first and foremost, it's my blog and second it's my duty to be rude and annoying at the same down... actually that's not hard... Today in the Media Center (yes I'm revealing something! SHOCK.) someone (rather annoyed by our tactics of disapproving the wall dropps, ceiling hangers, whatever the hell they are...) told us it would be nice to read if she could not have people talking. And my friend wittingly replied, I don't care... then I shushed her do to the fact that I have a little more manners? I suppose then she did and the same person said rudely 'thank you, I appreciate that,' Smartass... not really I would totally do that too, and it probably was for a class so I guess I can relate... (GASP! I'm relating too! Next thing you know I'll be talking about Global warming!)

Yes Global Warming... (sorry...) the subject which I deny to this day even though New Jersey still hasn't gotten snow (haha to flo flo right there...) that sticks yet. We did, however get snow and why can I type on here but not write a single thing on my essay?! It's like my body doesn't want me too! If there isn't any ink left in the damn printer I'm going to... there it is again, I'm remembering things I haven't before quickly... could it perhaps... that my life is going back on track? Nawww... besides the fact that I got an 87 (a solid B ladies and gentleman!) on my geometry test and the fact that I'm actually getting good at this stuff! I mean I'm actually making an effort to fill out paper in English myself too! Biology... well... biology... meh.

Sniff, sniff, I got that word wrong twice and then tried to type another in between the transition? Blah whatever I'm not changing it back you stupid OCD! Yeah, I spelled it right... but I didn't exactly spell most of these words right but that's besides the point!

Alright I'm actually on a roll (kinda) for the essay thing, so I'll post tomorrow, the next day... in school if I find a proxy (you can send THOSE to me =])... etc, etc.

Etc.

Addiction

Okay, so I don't wanna seem like a total hypocrite when I say this but, I did become addicted to a substance, luckily I actually went to someone and wasn't a retard and say 'I can stop when I want' and not accept any one's help. Now I did have a hand written blog post, but due to my dropping eyelids (yes dropping) I decided to tell you the general idea.

I was addicted to NyQuil, and still kinda am, right now I'm thinking about how my mouth wants to taste that really bad black licorice... taste.

It basically talks about how I'm in too deep in love with someone, I can't stop thinking about him, blah blah blah, I hate to be insensative to myself but, seriously I should drop it. And now that I'm saying it to myself, I actually feel lost.

I mean it's not like I don't like him anymore, I don't want to let him go, I guess I'm afraid he'll take me with him. But even so, it's not healthy for me to be addicted to someone and I hate to tell you this girls... guys don't think about girls 24/7 and it's not that special one either, they just don't. Maybe at night, they pray for your safety, but in general when they're with their friends, they don't think about girls or getting some, they think about video games, sports, and stuff like that.

But hey, I think about sports, video games, and boys, but yeah. When you fall for someone, try to be their friend first, guys don't like girls being addicted to them, I'm gonna start reading books that study the human mind and stuff like that soon. So I'll know how you feel.

Peace.

Wishing

It is time like these when I fear that I've made a mistake. I don't know what mistake it was or when I did it but I know I made a mistake. It seems so unfair at times, the things I do, why I do it. Half the time I don't even know what I'm talking about. I let my feelings get in the way of everything; they never ceased to banish me. I feel so alone, I'm so needy at times. I must having some type of attention or I'll explode. I have this need for someone, stronger then anything I've ever felt before; sure it may sound crazy but it's true. I'm torn between what I want and who I deserve. Why does everything I want seem to be already taken away from me? But then again, I don't really have it in the first place. A fling, that's what it was, just a short time and I could fall head over heels in love with someone and out of love at the same time. Most of the time it doesn't seem fair, but in reality, when has life ever been fair?

Fairness, was it really fair to do anything with him? I basically lead him on, I lead myself on too. I was in the world where if I wasn't loved, I couldn't be happy; but I was always loved. And it took me this long to figure it out. I am always loved, no matter what. I am still loved, even if I hurt myself purposely, I am still loved. I have been so blind in this world, fixed on having a certain image and state of mind I lost myself. Love yourself, I always tried but now I believe I love myself a little more. If I would have to marry, I would marry myself so I wouldn't have to go through all those difficult phases couples go through. I don't want to deal with that, and before I was talking about being alone and having no one to love, but I know I do somewhere.

Kidding, just kidding. Everyone yearns for that partner in life and may be someday you'll find them. Maybe I'll find mine soon. If I had one chance to save my life or to live forever, I would choose life because your companion can't life with you forever.

I've been given so many second chances in life that I don't deserve. And yet, I got it. My one chance, only one chance, how would I spend it? I don't ever think about the future, when I'm dead because I'd be afraid of myself. And that's the reality of things, given and taken, yes I said given. And take and fake and take. People are so greedy.

I'm glad I'm given.

This blog entry was hand-written three months ago and at those times, which actually are same right now, the conditions and the feelings that I felt are the same and I actually felt what I was feeling that day when I was scribbling down my chicken scratch on paper. Trust me, it's hard to figure out what I was originally writting that day since my hand-writting is horrible, I tried my best to write out (and make sure it made sense to you) what it said.

Bleehh

So this basically is a filler in the blog and stuff like that. I can't stop saying and stuff, it's like the best inside joke ever! I mean this weekend was sooo much fun because I went to the Philadelphia Art Museum - though strangely it had armor there... - and China Town to buy little Chinese ... things!

And today I got to stay home! And had sushi for lunch, it was really good sushi, even though sushi is Japanese, (my mommy says so) I still got to have Asian cuisine, which is good.

So I refuse to have a small random post so I decided to say that I'm really tired and my throat is sore for some odd reason I can't name right now, but I do have a clue as to when my throat was going to get sore and had tons of honey today it wasn't even funny. Honey, next to cranberries, it's nature's antibiotic... actually cranberries pretty much own honey no matter what... sorry little black bears in North Jersey...

Yes, there are bear in New Jersey for those of you who this that it's just one gigantic city filled with smog, trust me, I know what smog smells like... GROSS, go to Philly (I hope I don't get shot) and take a whiff, it's like pollution on a stick and death to all the little birdies who fly by. But strangely enough I didn't notice any birds perch themselves on George Washington's head in front of the Museum and for those of you who don't know. There is a China Town in Philly, and it was dim sum!

It's a Chinese tradition every Sunday there's like a buffet thing you pick... random, but yeah. And Brittany Spears so sucks as an actress.

Yeah... just putting that out there Chris, aww... I still WUB WOO. No, not like that... idiot.

Let's start it off a week later.

Okay so I decided to start off the new year by being a hypocrite and showing you all the parody of the eleven layers of me. And depending on my mood there MAY be a video.

11 Layers of Me

LAYER ONE: Spell your name with animals:

No, because I'm sure there isn't an animal named Y-Elephant

LAYER TWO:

--Name: Can't tell you
--Birthday: why would I tell you?
--Location: NEVER!
--Eye Color- eh... brown
--Natural Hair Color: brown
-- Right or left handed: hmm... no.

LAYER THREE:

-- Shoes you wore today: Why would anyone care what shoes I wore today?
-- Your perfect pizza: LIMES.
-- Best holiday: Eh... I believe that all holidays have a sufficigence
-- Most missed memory: NADA

LAYER FOUR:

--How many pets do you have: eh...
--If you got to go anywhere in the world, where would you go?: GERMANY because I'm cool like that.
--Who would you go with? cousin

LAYER FIVE:

--Pepsi or Coke: Hah, my friend put Dr. Pepper because that's the only soda she likes... I think I drank some of her Dr. Pepper a few days ago...
--McDonald's or Burger King: Ew. They make me wanna go VEGAN
-- Adidas or Nike: eh.
-- Coffee or tea: tea =]
--Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla because chocolate is messy

LAYER SIX:Do you..

--Sing: Why?
--Get motion sickness: Eh.
--Think you're a health freak: HAH, this is really stupid.
--Get along with your parents: why does everyone take these, we all know we're gonna lie eventually.
--Play an instrument: These are starting to look like police questions

LAYER SEVEN:In the past month have you..

-- Gone to the mall: stupid question
-- Been on stage: stupid question
-- Gone skating: stupid question, everyone goes skating.

LAYER EIGHT:Have you ever..

-- Been in big trouble with your parents: stupid question
-- Ever lied about your age: eh who hasn't?

LAYER NINE:

--Age you hope to be married: eh
-- Number of Children: EEEEEEEH

LAYER TEN:
--Height of opposite sex: obviously women want them taller
--Best eye color: looks don't matter, cept the height
--Best hair color: Eh.
--Best age: MATURITY SCALE SAYS OLD

LAYER ELEVEN:
-- Number of people you could trust in your life right now: eh
-- Tattoos: ew.
--Piercings: ears, want one on my nose.